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Its Valentine’s day so what better topic to choose than love?
You think of the word, love, and what picture comes to your mind? Blushes and kisses and butterflies in the belly and good morning
sex texts. What about the fights? The days you want to hit your partner in the head with a frying pan? Nobody tells you days like that will come when you’re about to start that journey. “Do I leave him?” “But I love him” “why do we keep fighting” “you know what, I’m done” “I love you but I hate you so much right now”. They’re always there. Those days we wonder whether or not we’re on the right path. Do we give up? Or does this love thing really conqer all?
Enjoy this story by my friend, oreofe…
I’m standing at the window staring out at the sun, tears glistening in my eyes. These streets are quiet but I faintly hear the sound of a car trying to start. It forms a beat in my head- sputter, cough, die- in tune with my heart. In this moment, I am lost; I am broken. The blue sky seems to mock me; it is so clear and bright but it doesn’t shine into my heart, it won’t pass my eyes. Behind me is a darkness that contests the light, making it harsher. I’m stuck in a trance, standing at my window, staring out at the sun, tears glistening in my eyes.
“I’m leaving.” I turn to see the sorrowful storm on your face. Your brows are set in despair. Your chest is heaving with your labored breathing. I know what it has cost for you to say those words. I am forced to face it. You move to stand before me until our faces are a breath apart. Your fists are clenched by your side and I instinctively mirror your pose. I want to move to touch you but I know I can’t. If I do, you’ll shatter. Your eyes are so dark, so heavy with clouds of pain. I’m drowning in them.
You cast your eyes down and when you open them, there is nothing; just the blank stare of a broken man. Fear hits me in the gut and causes me to gasp. My lips tremble and this time, the tears fall freely. I try to speak but you place your hand over my lips and in that moment, my heart breaks- frail as glass. This is what it looks like to give up. The light in your eyes is gone; the passion in them has fizzled away. I don’t know how to fix this. If I could speak, I would. I don’t know the words to say. You turn to leave me with nothing. The picture by the door draws your attention. You stop in front of it and I wonder if you want to take that too. But all you do is raise your hand to trace my smile, and then you walk right out.
My body starts to shiver as I crumble to the ground. It was never supposed to happen this way. You were not supposed to leave. I was not supposed to cry. The tempo in my head climbs as it registers how hard I have pushed. It builds as I remember all I shouldn’t have said. It rises as I realize all I could have done. It is erratic now. Cars are suddenly whizzing by, horns suddenly blaring, my heart is racing, your heavy breathing- or is it mine- the door keeps slamming, I can’t think; I can’t see; it won’t stop. I hold my head in my hands and scream!!! Then it all goes quiet. Slowly, I raise my head and I see.
The rays of the sun hit the picture perfectly; illuminating every pixel till it shimmers to life and in that moment, it all comes rushing back to me. There has always been light. In your eyes, there has always been light. Every time the darkness crept in on us, in your eyes, there was light. I remember when you were sweet, I remember when I listened; I remember when you cared, I remember when I catered; I remember when you gave, I remember when I surrendered; I remember your sacrifices, I remember my faith; I remember your promise, I remember my hope; I remember your love, I remember my dreams. You’re the light. We can have the light.
You just need to remember. I need to show you. I bolt up and out of the room right after you. A part of me tells me it’s too late, you’re long gone, but my heart pushes me to go on. I step out to the street and into the sun and I know I have done the right thing. There you are, right across the road looking lost, because you are. You were never meant to go at it alone. I run right to you. You look at me before you, confusion and questions swimming in your eyes, but faltering hope pushes through. There is only one way to answer it all.
I take your hand and turn to the sun, lifting my face to the sky, knowing you will do the same. I finally understand. In my head, a flutter starts to rise, but this time it isn’t erratic, it is joyful. It lifts me higher and higher as the light floods my soul until I start to laugh. I hear you chuckle slightly and it excites me more. The music crescendos and inside of me there is such sweet release. I feel free right there on the street, your hand in mine, soaking up the light.
The bright sky never mocked me, it waited for me. I hid from it, yet it waited for me. I fought it, yet it waited for me; you waited for me. I craved the darkness but you fought so hard to make me see the light is better. I reveled in my anger but you gave so much to make me see the peace is better. I wanted to hate you, for all you were, but you stayed so long to make me see you were better and the love was truer.
I hug you tight and tell you, face buried in your neck, “Don’t ever let me go.”
You lift me in your arms and respond, “Just as long as you stay with me.”
A big thank you to doyin, toriq, tamilore and my models, Clifford and funto. You guys rock!